There is always a final straw, but it’s never any worse than the thousands of straws that fell before it. They were all the same. You just finally learned what you were going to accept, what you deserve and how you weren’t going to settle for less than the best. Life will let you get away with somethings for awhile, but sooner or later, you will pay the price. Everything in life has a cause and effect. Everything you do causes the effects you experience. When you get your bill, be prepared to pay.
There have been many times during my recovery where I have felt incredibly weak. I have felt like there was no purpose in continuing the fight, but one day I decided I was done settling. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be heard, I wanted to be valued and I didn’t want to be taken for granted anymore. I finally realized people who couldn’t see the pain in my eyes and couldn’t hear the struggle in my voice would never truly understand my words. I learned how to be strong, brave and broken all at once.
Finding my happiness:
Happiness is a choice and it is something I have finally chosen. Nothing will make you happy if don’t choose to be happy. This wasn’t as easy as it sounds for me to choose. I first had to learn to accept myself, flaws and all. I have more scars and wounds than you will ever see because they are all in my head and heart. My severe traumatic brain injury and PTSD are both huge wounds that you can never see. My heart has wounds from my struggle to survive and from those I deeply loved who abandoned, betrayed, cheated and left me. So I built a cage around what was left of my heart so I wouldn’t be hurt again. I built up walls nobody could see over and I decided I was alone in this fight. But one day I realized this is not going to work. I need support. I deserve the pursuit of happiness. So I took down my walls and opened the cage. This is the greatest gift I ever gave to myself. You can’t deny yourself love and happiness just because you have been wronged. Everyone can say I love you or Im sorry but if they don’t have the actions to back up their words, their words mean nothing. Words are only words. You have to love yourself.
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. My road is starting to straighten up and I’m now walking towards the sunlight. We are all blind to the small things within us that make us brilliant and powerful. We are blind to our unique beauty. It is the smallest parts of us that give us our identity. I had lost my identity and I had lost sight of the small things within me that make me powerful. But I have rediscovered my power. I have relearned what makes me me. I have found my wit, intelligence, spirituality and compassion. I have finally found myself.
Make a promise to yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Find the silver lining in everything and make your optimism come true. Let go of the pain from your past and move forward to the great things that await you. Give yourself the time to improve upon yourself and forget the criticism of others. Strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on. It grows in the moments when you have to wipe away your tears, stand up tall and still continue to move forward because you are not the victim of your story, you are the heroine.