For years I have struggled with feeling I don’t fit in. I felt that I wasn’t like the other girls/women that I saw around me. I felt that I was too “big”, “not girly” enough. So I resorted to repressing my natural body/self. I resorted to working out & dedicating my days to being “fit.” I believed that if I couldn’t be “smaller” & “more girly”, well then I was going to be fit. Because then I would be “good” enough. This mindset has brought me a lot of anxiety & pain.
It’s hard thinking that how your body would be without the manipulation of exercise & “clean” eating isn’t good enough. That being your natural self isn’t acceptable. And feeling you are always striving for something that isn’t attainable.
A couple of years ago I started my journey of accepting my natural self & feeling good about myself without the exercise & “clean” eating. It was hard to start but once I got a few weeks in I started to feel like I could love myself in my natural state & I did. I still love myself but I have allowed my past trauma to creep back in again. I have allowed my false beliefs & our cultures fixation on diet culture to resurface in my thoughts. But recently I have found the strength to address these creeping thoughts again.
In the past month I was made to see & feel that I am worthy of being myself. It’s still a daily struggle but for the first time in awhile I actually feel worthy of more than the life I was living. Worthy of more than what my past mindset was offering. I’ve realized that I want so much more for my life & if I am in a bigger body when I experience this life than well it is worth it. I’m on a journey now to be my true self. I don’t want to look back on my life with regret because I never fully lived. I want to look back on my life when I’m 75 & remember the fun times, the good food & the priceless memories. My goal now is to tap into the young Kaylen that still lives inside of me. The one who is confident & thinks that anything & everything is possible. The one who wasn’t fixated on being “good” enough but was fixated on dinosaurs & the joys of life.
I know a lot of us struggle with thinking we don’t fit in or we don’t look right by society standards but today is the day to realize that those “standards” are only getting in your way of enjoying the life you were meant to live. Getting in the way of your natural beauty. Why do we try to morph into a cookie cutter form of beauty? Why can’t we see that our natural beauty is enough? It’s time for all of us to understand that we were not born to live a minimal life, we were born to live abundantly. Today is the day to embrace your inner child & confidently enjoy life 💙