Tunnel vision

In the first few years of my recovery, everything was on a schedule. I had a “tunnel mindset.” In this tunnel I created my daily routine. I needed to plan out the hours of my day, so I could make it through. I needed this structure to remember how to get ready, what to do in the shower, when to eat, what time therapy was, etc. I believe this structure greatly benefited my recovery from a traumatic brain injury, but now it is almost 11 years later & I still find myself stuck in that same mindset.

I need a certain amount of structure still for my memory & my PTSD, but I also know I need to be able to experience life naturally. Not scheduled. The thought of losing my structure scares me, but the thought of never coming out of my “tunnel mindset” scares me more. I believe this is a new stage of my recovery that I am trying to enter now. I don’t want to be that hamster on the wheel & miss out on the beautiful spontaneity of life. I have already “lost” my twenties. I spent those years trying to get back to my baseline & figuring out my “new” body/brain. I don’t want to lose my thirties.

Over the past few years, I have slowly started to figure out who I am & what I would like to do with this second chance at life. I strongly believe that all of the struggles & pain that have happened in the past 10 years, were blessings in disguise. It took me a while to accept where I was at, & to believe that if I wanted my life to change for the better than I needed to see my struggles as lessons, something to grow though. Stepping stones to help me build the foundation I will need to live out the future I hoped for.

Today is the day to shift your mindset. Choose to see whatever you are currently struggling with as a lesson, a stepping stone. Yes, I know this seems simplistic & if someone would’ve told me this during my darkest times, I would’ve wanted to smack them, but now that I have worked through those dark times I can honestly say this is what has to be done. We all want the opportunity of a beautiful life, but sometimes “life” happens & we are taken to a place we never thought we’d end up. It may seem unfair when we are struggling in this foreign place, but it can be a blessing, if you choose to see it that way. If you choose to do the hard work & believe that you are worth it, because you are.

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