Before and After

There are a few moments that mark your life forever. In these moments you realize nothing will ever be the same and time has been divided in two.. Before and After. For me my life will be forever defined as before June 11 and after June 11. I reached my darkest and lowest point during this time. When I was at my lowest and everything seemed to be burning down around me I took my first step forward and walked through the fire and forged my new life in the flames. This new life wasn’t easy. Just because it was new doesn’t mean it was devoid of pain. There was a lot of pain during this period; mental, emotional and physical. Relearning how to do everything was nothing compared to relearning the character of some of the people I held dearest. But when it comes down to it it wasn’t my job to expose the fake they ended up exposing themselves and gave me the biggest gift. I had to become my best friend and in that process I found a new strength. I know how to be alone. I know how to survive. Never define someone by their words. Anyone can say the right words at the right time but not everyone can do the right things at the right time. Look at people’s actions for they will say volumes about their character. The best people will come into your life and make you see the sunshine even when you feel like Eeyore with a tiny rain cloud constantly following you. These people will believe in you so much that you start to believe in yourself and believe you can do anything with them by your side. These people are simply once in a lifetime. I am very fortunate to know a few people like this. They have been the greatest blessing. I’ve always been a person who looks too deep into something or someone because I realized there is always more than what meets the eye. The perfect example of this is myself. If you were to see me or talk to me you would think there is nothing wrong with me. I can hide my scars and I have learned how to hide my blunders when I talk or when I forget what is going on. Traumatic brain injuries are very different from one another. Just because I don’t appear “different” doesn’t mean I am not severely struggling on the inside to keep up with you as you talk and to process what you are saying as well as many other lovely side effects that come along with a TBI. If one day I could present myself the way I feel on the inside you would walk right past me because I would be unrecognized. It’s hard to fight the invisible battle because generally people think you are making it up, weak, stupid, lazy or just weird. But I am none of those things.. Well I guess I am a little weird šŸ˜ƒ but I believe that’s to the eye of the beholder. It’s not wrong to be 27 years old and still turn into a 5 year old when you hear the Jurassic Park music playing or to still enjoy watching Pocahontas. That’s just part of what makes me me. There is one thing I can promise you.. No matter what you are dealing with it will get better. What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. When you have struggled through something unexpected your heart has been pushed beyond the limits of what most people could endure. Embrace that. For when you have been destroyed (by whatever obstacle that stands in your way) you start to understand yourself as you are picking up the pieces and putting yourself back together. Find the silver lining in this situation because honestly it’s a gift. You get to know who you really are and what you are made of. After these times in your life you know you can survive anything.

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