Darkness

IMG_2106“Normal” people have no idea how beautiful the darkness is. It’s amazing how much I can remember from being in my coma. Laying there and hearing the screaming. Feeling the fists pound on my chest while the doctors were demanding me to wake up and respond. Hearing loved ones come in and talk to me, holding my hand or kissing me on the forehead and I would feel the wetness from their tears. I do not fear dying because I have been to the edge where life turns vague and death seems very inviting as it entices you to come on over. I have found so much beauty in the dark for that is where I have spent much of my recovery. I had to be in the literal darkness because of my photophobia but I was also in the dark in my mind. I was so blissfully unaware of what had happened and what it truly meant for my future. The true horrors are found in the light. I have experienced many of those on my road to recovery. Every few months I would slowly fall out of the darkness that was in my mind and step more and more into the light. Each time being smacked in the face with the cruel truth of what has happened. The darkness does not destroy the light it defines it. It’s our own fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. We scare ourselves with our worry or overthinking. I came to a point where I realized I wasn’t living. I was just surviving hour by hour, day by day. Thinking of the thought of tomorrow and what new battles I would have to face as well as continuing to fight the battles from today. I was living in pure survival mode because it was all too much. Finally after too much physical and emotional pain I had had enough and I thought “What am I waiting for? When will this get better? Why not just end it now? Who will honestly miss me?” But at that moment I knew I, Kaylen Woosley, was not going to give in to the pain. I was going to channel it and use it for good..so that is exactly what I’ve done. You have to hit your breaking point and evaluate yourself and the situation. I survived the impossible. I was tempted by death 5 times but I did not give in to the easy route. If you could see the size of blessing coming for you, you would understand the magnitude of battle you are fighting today. Some of the best days of my life are awaiting me. I just have to finish fighting my own battles. It’s not over until God says it is. And it’s not over yet. My story is just beginning.

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