What is there to live for? Why should I keep going? When will this aching pain leave my heart and mind? Why must I keep climbing mountains? When will I get a free pass? These are some of the questions I have been dealing with lately. I am so overwhelmed with everything I still need to conquer and overcome. I have such a hard time deciding which battle to suit up for first. They all coincide and feed off each other so it seems like a never ending battle. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of fighting for everything in my life. I’m tired of relearning and learning how to deal and live without certain things that I thought were permanent. I’m tired of being so confused and lost. I am worth something.. Right? Don’t I deserve love, respect, support, friendship and to be told the truth? Did my wreck and injuries really change my worth? Am I unworthy now?
I have no idea anymore. I try to tell myself, “Yes, you are worthy. You are a child of God and you have already survived SO much. One day it will become easier. It just has too.” But after awhile I start to question myself. Once your life and the dream you have been promised is shattered right in front of you.. Well things change. It made me start to question everything but then God decided it’s time to intervene and He spoke to me. He showed me what I was going to do with my life, how I was going to help others and how the dream I had been promised for my future still was going to happen.. Just now it involved someone else.
With a brave heart anything is possible. Happiness is a choice and it is something I have found and chosen. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. Life is full of choices, make sure you choose the right ones. Your happiness won’t come to you, it will only come from you. My new mission for life is too not merely survive but to thrive. I am choosing to navigate through my life full of passion, compassion and a good sense of humor. I’ve come to realize that in life people will hurt you, you’ll cry, you’ll laugh, you’ll embarrass yourself and you will have to fight for what you want. But then, you’ll find your very own moment where none of what you have been through matters. You will take a step back and realize adversity happens to those who are tough enough to handle it. You then realize that you are one of those tough people who can handle any obstacle that is put in front of you. When God’s warriors go down on their knees, the battle is not over. It has just begun.